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RSVP 101

  • Published
  • By 87th Air Base Wing
  • protocol office
Joint Base MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST --  Customs and courtesies are a large part of our military culture and are profoundly rooted in pride and tradition. While we all learn the basics in formal training environments throughout our careers, we sometimes need to be reminded of the appropriate action to take in a given situation whether it is saluting or responding to an invitation. 

How often have you received an invitation (military or personal) with the abbreviation RSVP printed in the lower left corner and wondered what RSVP really means? Well, for some it means, I need to respond by a specific date; and to others, it means absolutely nothing. Ah, that's where you are misinformed because, according to McCaffree, Innis, & Sand (2002), titled "Protocol," 25th Anniversary Edition, RSVP means (Réspondez, sil vous plait, meaning Please reply). 

Additionally, per Emily Post's (1997), titled "Etiquette,"16th Edition "... anyone receiving an invitation with an RSVP on it is obliged to reply as promptly as possible. It is inexcusably rude to leave someone who has invited you to a party with no idea of how many people to expect. When the RSVP is followed by a telephone number, do your best to telephone your answer..." If you cannot get through, "... rather than no reply at all, he/she will appreciate a brief note or even a postcard saying "We'll be there" or "So sorry, can't make it..." "If you both have e-mail accounts, even a short e-mail message with your reply is better than no reply at all..." 

Here's something else to consider concerning an RSVP What should I do if the invite says regrets only? According to Emily Post, "If the invitation says "regrets only," don't send or call an acceptance unless you have something to discuss with the hostess." Note to self, "If there is no RSVP at all, you are not obligated to reply, but it is never wrong to do so, and any hostess will appreciate your effort ..." 

Let's face it, in today's society our time is at a premium and we all value it. With that said, there will be times when we receive an invite (at work or home) with RSVP and can't respond immediately due to scheduling conflicts. If that happens, Emily Post suggests; "...If the gathering to which you have been invited is informal and you know the hostess well, you may feel free to phone and explain: "I'd love to be there, but I may have to go to Chicago. Can I let you know in a day or two?" "... If, however, it is a formal party and your delayed reply will disrupt the hostess's well-laid plans, then you owe it to her to decline the invitation at the start ..."

For more information and guidance on customs and courtesies, reference publications such as AFPAM 36-2241v1 (PFE), Emily Post's Etiquette, 16th Edition written by Peggy Post, and Protocol, 25th Anniversary Edition written by Mary Jane McCaffree, Pauline Innis and Richard M. Sand, to name a few.