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Don't sweat the small stuff or risk total burn out

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Jani McCreary
  • 407th Civil Engineer Squadron commander
MCGUIRE AIR FORCE BASE, NJ. --  One of my favorite books of all time is "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff" by Richard Carlson. It's one of those books I read and re-read, because the principles in it seem so simple, but are so meaningful and very often hard to do. 

With a title like that, you might think this book would have no place in the military. We take pride in our attention to detail and in doing the very "big stuff" work of protecting freedom. Yet I believe these two reasons are exactly why we need to embrace the "small stuff" principles, because otherwise, we risk total burn out by trying to control too many things in our lives. 

Whether you've read the book or not, I'd like to share a couple of principles from it that can help us all live better, less stressful lives. For example, when you feel tense or overwhelmed, ask yourself, "Will this matter a year from now?" Whether you've had a fight with one of your co-workers or lost a set of diamond earrings, the answer is usually "no, it really won't matter a year from now." Try to give that perspective to your present-day annoyance and see how quickly it loses its importance. 

On the other hand, you do want to devote time and energy to things that will matter a year from now: your relationship with your kids, spouse and your family; working out regularly; or studying for promotion, a class or professional military education course. 

Unfortunately, those are often the first things we neglect while we devote time and energy to stewing about, talking about and being angry about our present-day annoyances. 

Another powerful tool when you're angry or frustrated is to put yourself in another person's shoes and imagine a valid reason for their behavior. 

One of the best stories I've heard to illustrate this was about a man commuting to work on a train. At one stop, another man got on the train with his three children. The children were very disruptive, running and shouting loudly. The first man rattled his paper several times and cleared his throat repeatedly, hoping that the second man would take the hint and get his children under control. The second man just sat and continued to stare down at his own newspaper. 

Finally the first man said, "Excuse me sir, I don't know if you've noticed, but your children are disturbing everyone on this train." The second man looked up, surprised and said in a distracted voice, "Yes, I'm sorry, I guess they are. We just came from the hospital where their mother died this morning and they don't quite know how to react. I guess none of us do." Wow. Wouldn't that make you feel bad for saying something? 

Another example: When someone cuts you off in traffic and you feel ready to send over a volley of gunfire and road rage, imagine that the other driver just got news that their spouse has been in a terrible accident and they're racing to the hospital. It changes your perspective, doesn't it? Instead of continuing on to work angry, thinking what a jerk the other driver was, you can think, "That guy must've gotten some terrible news to drive like that" and you can forget about the incident and move on with your day. 

By using just these two tools, you can decrease your daily stress level and make sure you have the time and energy left to take care of the "big stuff" in your life. Give it a try; you'll be glad you did.